being a friend

I never mean to be a burden on anyone, but apparently, I am. If this is the only place that I can get attention to say what I feel, then so be it. If you come here to see me in my pics and you know me personally...then you may be my friend. You could be my friend. But are you really my friend? Would you really be there for me, even when I just want to talk? Sometimes , I just need to talk...bout silly things to try to uplift my mood and I choose you to chat with me. IF you are busy, then I understand...if its a bad time, then I understand. But please tell me why...don't just leave me hanging....its okay for a while when things happen but for days....forever as if it never happened. I mean, come on.

But sometimes, I am told that I can talk  about anything...anything....that if I need something, I can call. Then when I need people the most, you suddenly abandon me. Friends do not do that to others...no, not at all. When I am in the most excruciateing pain and I want to die. I mean seriously, do not want to wake up ever again and I think about someone...it is the person who I want to talk to because ..I dunno, maybe their voice soothes me, maybe their words are placed in a way that it helps me somehow. I cannot explain why I choose who I want and need to talk to. Those whom I need  and want to talk to the most, they just abandon me. I don't understand everything about life but I do understand that I would not do the same thing without an explanation...but sometimes I get nothing...its like it never happened.

I hope that I never hurt anyone like that and if I have...please come to me and tell me and I will apologize to you. In fact, I will try and remember who I have abandoned and then go tell them that I am sorry. I see things in myself when I see things in others. I don't want anyone else to feel this way.

so, life is short...don't be an ass and leave people to wonder why. Not knowing why, sometimes is much worse