Friday, September 12, 2014

Not your "run of the mill" government check

I bet you thought I would change. Well, I didn’t. I am the same plain girl you knew before the money came. I just never told you how it happened, did I? Okay, I guess I should fill in that gap for you. Then you can put me back under the microscope and watch me squirm.

I was waiting on the money, the other money. You know, I was waiting to receive my crazy check from the government, yeah, that one. Times were hard, to say the least. I was visiting my therapist about twice a month, taking my meds and even enjoying a nice walk every now and then. I was just waiting, waiting and just getting by with what I could get from the food bank and good friends. I guess I had nothing to brag about at all, except that someone cared and they went out of their way to make sure we had food eat and a roof over our heads. In my spare time, the other spare time, I wrote short stories. Once, I wrote my memoir and told a few friends about it. I even snagged an interested party that wanted to make a book of my story. I still didn’t think much about it. It was a shot in the dark for me, considering I had the concentration, memory and temperament of a dementia patient.

The book finished itself with my help, but there was still no crazy check in the mail. I expected a large one, oh a few thousand or so, for all the time I was crazy and didn’t get paid for it. So, you can expect that I got a little happy when I saw the words “Pay to the order of…” peeking outside that little triangular plastic window of that blessed envelope. I was so excited that I didn’t want to open the letter.

I opened the letter and my head hit the pavement. I woke up later to the striped pants leg of a local trustee.

“Ma’am! Are you alright?

I moved the envelope into my gaze and focused on all the zeros. The check read $5,000,000. Now that was some back pay, alright. I figured the department of rehabilitation had made a grave mistake. I turned the envelope over again and noticed there was nothing printed on the front. The envelope was blank. I quickly folded the check and pushed myself up from the pavement.

“I am okay sir. I thank you.”

No matter how long or how hard I looked for the sender of that envelope, I got nothing. Of course, I had to be careful and not tell everyone about the money. When people find out you have come into money, they start being your best friend or long lost relative.

And I bet you thought it would be hard for me to keep up poverty appearances, well, you are and was and will be wrong. I still wear the same t-shirts, baggy jeans and thick glasses that I did when I had no money. In fact, to be quite honest, it is still in paper form. I have yet to cash the check and make it official. I did, however, take the check to the bank to have it analyzed. It is real, that is a purely legitimate check for 5 million and it is stuck to my refrigerator with a big mac magnet. Every day I look at that check and I smile.

“One day, one day I will cash you. One day, I shall take you down from that magnet and spend a great big hunk of you on absolutely nothing.”

After I say this, I laugh at myself.

I am the same person. I have not changed at all since I came into money. I tell you something else too, I think that check was from God and he knows, tried and tested, that I can be trusted to keep his money safe.

Yesterday, I got my first crazy check…Approved!!!

Yes, I am just the same old girl I was before. The same one, yes, the same girl. I don’t need that money, I have my checks and my checks are stable, reliable and sure. I bet you thought I would break, well, I didn’t. Here I am, still doing good and being responsible. God loves a humble and responsible child, he trusts those who aren’t wild spenders. After all, it makes no sense to get money and change into someone you are not.
I bet you are wondering when I am going to break…

Well, I don’t need to break. I can leave that check on the refrigerator forever if I need to.
I can tell them, when they finally find out and they ask me…

“So, what did you do with the 5 million dollar check?”

And I can smile and speak clearly.


“nothing…absolutely nothing.”

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Lil Red

Lil Red
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